DEEP depression! :-(
No not clinical; just fed up, pissed off and feeling sorry for myself. Why? Tuesday I was stuck in A and E for five hours in agony; my knee, which I'd thought was healing well, suddenly started to flare up again; it got hot, stiff, swollen, PAINFUL! Eventually they X-rayed it again and discovered a splinter of bone wedged between the joints. Of course they can do nothing except try to speed up my place on the waiting list to have it all sliced up so they strapped tightly again and allowed me to hobble home. This may sound like an enormous moan about something trivial but it isn't. I'll tell you why...
A long time ago I had a heart attack; two actually, one minor the other a whopper which nearly carried me off to the worm-food factory. So I was advised to eat sensible and to exercise which I did. I tried swimming but have you ever heard of anything so boring? Trapped in a brick shed with a 50 metre pool and dozens of screaming kids; ploughing up and down looking at the exciting scenery; like walls, and more walls... I soon learnt how a goldfish felt. So I began walking, discovered how beautiful the woods, beaches, canals and parks around Liverpool were and actually enjoyed it; I take photos, walk briskly, breath in clean air and feel better all round. I tried to do two or three 5-8 mile walks each week and as a result I lost weight, felt fit, had no concerns for my dicky-ticker at all. But since my leg was demolished by that dumb sick-van that hit me (Oh OK; it wasn't demolished just thrown-out-of-kilter) I haven't been able to wal and that's been close to three months now. The NHS waiting list indicates that I might actually get the operation in about a year but by that time I could be a physical wreck. So you can see how it worries me.
Anyway; to happier things. Tuesday night (with leg strapped up) I went to the inaugural lecture by the newly promoted Professor Robert Sheppard at Edge Hill University; it was packed with beautiful people I haven’t seen for years; Dr Jacqueline Philips who now lives way down South, Paul who has just completed his first novel, Ursula (brilliant poet), Colin an old mate from the MA course (we’re back in touch again now via email) and Alice looking radiant and speaking enthusiastically about re-starting her wonderful journal Neon Highway and oh so many many more blasts-from-the-past including Andy who co-edits erbacce with me and whom I haven't spoken to face-to-face for aeons. They all trooped off to the Pub afterwards which I couldn’t manage as I’d have been a grump (pain in that leg… OK I wont mention it again you unfeeling bastards!!!) AND the lecture was great; Rob was stimulating, witty, controversial and political; he drank wine to refresh his throat and part way through dumped his tie and jacket to launch into some of his frantic, earnest and provocative poetry.. I LOVED IT!
And today? Well today is sunny and I wish I could be out walking and I would be if it wasn't for this (XXXXXX xxxxxxx XXXXXX xxxxx ...this section deleted by the internal editor as Corkish was about to talk about his knee again)... I guess my life is good. Despite total lack of love life and a feeling of 'emptiness' which is not entirely due to my being incarcerated indoors most of each day due to K - N - E -E... but then I guess when yer down, the only way is up... so here goes; 'Up, up, up and away Super-Corkish! Don't let the bastards, bitches and liars get you down... shazammmmmmmmm...''
No not clinical; just fed up, pissed off and feeling sorry for myself. Why? Tuesday I was stuck in A and E for five hours in agony; my knee, which I'd thought was healing well, suddenly started to flare up again; it got hot, stiff, swollen, PAINFUL! Eventually they X-rayed it again and discovered a splinter of bone wedged between the joints. Of course they can do nothing except try to speed up my place on the waiting list to have it all sliced up so they strapped tightly again and allowed me to hobble home. This may sound like an enormous moan about something trivial but it isn't. I'll tell you why...
A long time ago I had a heart attack; two actually, one minor the other a whopper which nearly carried me off to the worm-food factory. So I was advised to eat sensible and to exercise which I did. I tried swimming but have you ever heard of anything so boring? Trapped in a brick shed with a 50 metre pool and dozens of screaming kids; ploughing up and down looking at the exciting scenery; like walls, and more walls... I soon learnt how a goldfish felt. So I began walking, discovered how beautiful the woods, beaches, canals and parks around Liverpool were and actually enjoyed it; I take photos, walk briskly, breath in clean air and feel better all round. I tried to do two or three 5-8 mile walks each week and as a result I lost weight, felt fit, had no concerns for my dicky-ticker at all. But since my leg was demolished by that dumb sick-van that hit me (Oh OK; it wasn't demolished just thrown-out-of-kilter) I haven't been able to wal and that's been close to three months now. The NHS waiting list indicates that I might actually get the operation in about a year but by that time I could be a physical wreck. So you can see how it worries me.
Anyway; to happier things. Tuesday night (with leg strapped up) I went to the inaugural lecture by the newly promoted Professor Robert Sheppard at Edge Hill University; it was packed with beautiful people I haven’t seen for years; Dr Jacqueline Philips who now lives way down South, Paul who has just completed his first novel, Ursula (brilliant poet), Colin an old mate from the MA course (we’re back in touch again now via email) and Alice looking radiant and speaking enthusiastically about re-starting her wonderful journal Neon Highway and oh so many many more blasts-from-the-past including Andy who co-edits erbacce with me and whom I haven't spoken to face-to-face for aeons. They all trooped off to the Pub afterwards which I couldn’t manage as I’d have been a grump (pain in that leg… OK I wont mention it again you unfeeling bastards!!!) AND the lecture was great; Rob was stimulating, witty, controversial and political; he drank wine to refresh his throat and part way through dumped his tie and jacket to launch into some of his frantic, earnest and provocative poetry.. I LOVED IT!
And today? Well today is sunny and I wish I could be out walking and I would be if it wasn't for this (XXXXXX xxxxxxx XXXXXX xxxxx ...this section deleted by the internal editor as Corkish was about to talk about his knee again)... I guess my life is good. Despite total lack of love life and a feeling of 'emptiness' which is not entirely due to my being incarcerated indoors most of each day due to K - N - E -E... but then I guess when yer down, the only way is up... so here goes; 'Up, up, up and away Super-Corkish! Don't let the bastards, bitches and liars get you down... shazammmmmmmmm...''
posted by Alan Corkish @ 1:20 AM
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