Haven't written in here for ages... perhaps this poem will explain:




so much more than the pain

which can be smothered…
is the emptiness
the sense of
non-existence
that pervasive belief
that already
i cease to be
time moves like glue
and glue
inhabits also the gut
sucking at that image
which i try hard to steer away from
pushing the heart rudder each time it looms large
and yet so much more than the pain
it insists on shuddering to the surface
forcing its way from the gut
through the heart
to emerge like an oversized egg
from the throat
…so much more than the pain
…is the fear